You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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