Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
