Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
