So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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