is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
