Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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