he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
