I accidentally had phone sex last night
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
