No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
