I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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