Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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