so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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