I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
