I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Say something about gay babies.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
