At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
