so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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