Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
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