one might say we're banned from that church
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
