Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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