I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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