I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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