you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
