What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
