I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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