My Higher Power is John Stamos
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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