btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
