This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
