Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
