All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
