clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
