i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
