I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
