the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
