You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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