i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
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