Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
