toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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