I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
