I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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