I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
