I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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