I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
