Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
