You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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