Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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