can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
