you win again, gameday.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
