eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She told me I should be a condom model.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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