I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
