So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
