Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
