im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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